This is a WRITTEN excercise, not a verbal one. This is a multi-day excercise, not a one hour drive-by repair job.

 

Why? Because these questions will be stripping away pretense, assumption and any constructed diversionary tactics we may use to avoid telling the whole truth where our relationships are concerned and in doing so, we may be revealing some upsetting information in what we share.

 

For most of us, when we hear someone saying something to us that is unsettling, we tend to stop listening to the rest of what they are saying because we are very busy formulating a response to the one thing that caught our full attention. In order to fully absorb what your partner is going to be sharing when they respond to the Three Questions, I ask that this process take place over a period of several days.

 

How seriously should you take following the instructions for this excercise?

It depends on how seriously you are committed to having a better realtionship with the other person.

 

* If you have come to mutual agreement that you both want to change the way you communicate, a way is then opened to introduce the Three Questions Process.

 

The questions are shared with you both and another agreement is made that you will take a period of one to three days to contemplate them and to respond, in writing, to your partner. Put your responses in a sealed envelope and your partner does the same. You can hand deliver the envelope if possible, or you can mail, or email the responses at a pre-determined time. Agreement is made before the exchange that the responses will be read in full and contemplated for another one to three days BEFORE any further discussion is had on the subject.

 

After the response contemplation period is over, meeting in person or by a live-video chat is the preferable manner processing the new information. You want to be able to see the other person, hear what they are saying and speak with new emotion and insight as you experience each other in this new light.Some of what you find out may be upsetting, sad, frustrating and life changing. All of what you find out will arm you with the information you both will need to move forward with a new understanding of how you see each other and how you wish you were seen by the other.

 

Do not skip steps or condense the time required for taking this work seriously.

The Truth Will Set You Free, But, as it's said, first, it may piss you off. False assumptions fall hard back into our own laps.